Sunday, October 11, 2009

You get what you pay for

I have been growing my hair out since before I got pregnant with Elliott, which is a testiment to how monumentally slow my hair grows. Of course, I will try to get a trim or a minor cut to get through the awkward stages, but I like being able to do more than two things with my hair. That brings us up to last Friday. I decided I wanted to get a little trim, to pamper myself a little, so I made a last minute appointment with our local stylist school. I've been going there for years, since I hadn't yet fallen in love with a stylist since we'd gotten here, and although the cuts aren't usually the best quality, for $16 you can hardly complain.

HOWEVER. Oh, however, I had cause to complain after that appointment. Dear Lord, I have never had such a bad haircut experience. I told the student that I wanted a long version of the bob I normally rock, which would mean she'd take the back up an inch and call it a day. She picked up a pair of scissors before even washing my hair and started her work.

At this point I take a minute to fully evaluate my stylist. Her long, wavy hair is dyed black, except on one side where she has cropped it an inch from her scalp and dyed it blond and green. An artistic one. That's cool, I guess, I thought. In her ears were holes the size of a dime, spaced open with little plastic rings. She doesn't talk to me, just snip snip snip snip snip until I'm wondering when she is going to put those snazzy thinning shears down and wash my hair. Hair is flying into the coffee mug I am holding and I am bored with no one to talk to and no magazine to read, and I'm reminded of those scenes in Edward Scissorhands where hair is just flying and Johnny Depp looks totally creepy and you see topiaries in his backyard that he's practiced on. Finally, she talks:

"I'm about finished with the cut, but we can wash it and style it and see what you think." She hands me a mirror and I see that she has taken off most of the hair I have been growing for over a year and left a scraggly fringe of it underneath "to give the illusion of length and movement". I stroked what was left of my hair and started stuttering.
"I. Uh. It's. It's so thin. I. Um."

So she washed it. And fixed it. And it still looked awful. So I asked her to adjust the fringe. She trimmed a little and gave me the mirror. Still bad. By this time, I think she started to hate me. She told me "It's not like I can glue your hair back on". She told her instructor, who was obviously trying to save my shag, "I think I know how to cut 1/4 of an inch of hair off her head."

Finally I just told her to stop and that it was fine. I got in my car and called my sister and used a few choice words to recount the experience. Then I told David about it. Then I started crying.

David: Why are you crying?

Me: I (sob) look (sob) so (hic) UGGGGLLLLLYY (wail)!

David: No you don't. It looks fine. (David looks a little bewildered at this surge of total hormonal overreaction)

Me: I have a MULLLLETTTT! It looks terrible! I am ugly...(Sob, wail, moan)

David: Is something else wrong? I just don't think you would normally react this way.

Me: (indecipherable blabbering about mullets and Joan Jett and being UGGGGLLLLYY)

David: (Shrugs and goes to bed.) (this is not the right reaction)

I went to a real salon with real stylists three or four days later, and it's much better now. We also had a talk about his job when this kind of thing happens, which is to pretend like I am NOT overreacting and to hug me and tell me I don't have a mullet or look like Joan Jett until I believe him. And I learned that $16 haircuts are $16 for a reason.


sleepingKelly said...

Ugh. That's HORRIBLE! As a mom, you should totally treat yourself to a good haircut and salon experience. Of course, I'm saying this as someone who hasn't had a cut in months and looks pretty scraggly.

Tiffany said...

I have so had those experiences before where they complain about having to wash and dry my hair and I walk out with a mullett. Check out some of the small independent places because they will be cheaper then the fancy salons. If you are anything like me though you get a hair cut every 6 months if you have time for it so you can spend a little more to make sure you like it for the next 6 months. Boys just dont understand!