Thursday, March 15, 2007

Another reason why David is crazy to have married me

Sometimes I have dreams that make me spend the rest of the morning convincing myself that the events that went on in the dream were not real. The first one I can remember having was when I was a little kid.

My dad had just dropped me off at my mom's house, and as he was leaving he managed to get hit by a car. In fact, he some how ran over himself, but the details didn't really matter. I woke up devastated and bawling, and my mom had to remind me that my dad was fine, that you couldn't run over yourself with your own car, and that I had made up that horrible scenario in my head.

I had one 4 years ago. I had just gotten back from visiting David at A&M, and he called me to let me know that him and my friend Julia (who I hadn't seen in 2 years at the time) were together. He also insulted me and then I broke up with him. I woke up convinced of two things. David was the biggest jerk alive, and I was no longer dating him. Still groggy, once I figured out that the cheating on me part was a dream, I still had to work through the fact that we weren't broken up. I think I called him to apologize and make sure we were okay and to let him know that I wasn't mad about the dream, and then logic kicked in and I figured out that he had no idea what I was rambling on about.

This morning I woke up livid. I woke up and rolled over to avoid touching him. He got up and walked to the alarm clock to turn it off and I covered my head to avoid looking at him. Then I went to the bathroom and the fog slowly lifted. He had not, in fact, just taken off in a car with another girl. He had been sleeping 6 inches from me, clueless that I was ready to lob my pillow at his sweet, pillow-matted head.

This process of waking up and separating fact from dream takes ENTIRELY too long. I have the most rediculous dreams ever. In fact, I am really afraid of the day that I become pregnant, because I know that my dreams will become even more psychotic. I don't know if that's even possible. They are already completely impossibly insane. You would think that after waking up from a dream where my boyfriend is cheating on me in Texas with a girl who lives in Washington D.C, or one where my dad gets hit by the car that he is driving, I should be able to laugh.

But I don't. I freak out.

I get my feelings hurt. I start rehearsing what I am going to say. I scramble to see if I can mend our broken relationship. I call the person I just dreamed about.

And on the other end of the phone is usually stunned silence, followed by "Now wait...WHAT?"

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